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中進英翻譯系列講座(十六)
撰文者: Wayne 發表日期: February 2, 2016 – 8:17 am

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找出句子重點
本單元講解如何找出文句的重點。譯者要突破文字的迷障,才能撥雲見日,找到應該花心思處理的重點,免得浪費許多文字去說明毫無意義的原文字詞,讓譯本沉重萬分、滯礙難讀。容我舉例說明:

(原文)澳門雖然沒有工業,但環保是一項交叉學科,涉及範疇眾多,某些化學產品是可以在實驗室研發的。何教授舉例表示,如早前的退伍軍人菌,就可以用實驗室製造出淨化劑放在水塔解決問題;又如污水廠附近的居民常面對臭味,也可以為此研發除臭劑。

(說明)
translation「分析」階段:
現在約略解構這段文字:
1. 澳門沒有工業,但是環保是一項交叉學科,所以涉及範疇眾多──句語氣轉折+因果關係。
2. 環保涉及範疇眾多,所以某些化學產品可以在(澳門)實驗室研發出來──因果關係。
3. 何教授舉兩個例子說明:
第一,實驗室可製造出淨化劑,把淨化劑放在水塔,便可殺死退伍軍人菌,(避免疾病散播)──解決問題就是避免疾病爆發。
第二,實驗室也可研發除臭劑,消除污水廠臭味。

translation「轉換」階段:
每個意群都能在腦海形成清楚的影像。翻譯只要注意如何表達出轉折語氣和因果關係。如何連結不同的意群呢?請參考下面的翻譯版本:

translation「重建」階段:
(譯文一)Although Macao does not have industry, environmental protection is inherently interdisciplinary, thus involving a broad spectrum of academic fields; therefore, some chemical products for environmental protection can simply be developed in the laboratory. Dr. Ho takes Legionella pneumophila, the bacteria responsible for Legionnaires’ disease, for example, saying a purifying agent that kills the bacteria can be created in the laboratory, and that placing the agent in air conditioning cooling towers can prevent the outbreak of disease. Deodorants that eliminate odors from wastewater treatment plants can also be created in the lab.

(解說)
1. 劃底線的文字用來表達因果關係、語氣轉折或舉例說明。
2. 退伍軍人菌的英文是Legionella pneumophila,它是專有名詞,必須加以說明,因此用同位格註解:the bacteria responsible for Legionnaires’ disease 或 the bacateria causing Legionnaires’ disease。
3. S. take sth for example = 舉例說明。
4. 子句 + (,) + Ving = 常見的分詞構句用法。

translation
我們可以稍微調整結構與文字,寫出另一個版本:
(譯文二)Macao does not have industry. However, environmental protection is inherently interdisciplinary, so it involves a wide variety of academic subjects, whicy explains why some environmental protection products can simply be developed in the laboratory. Dr. Ho takes Legionella pneumophila, the bacteria causing Legionnaires’ disease, for example, and says that a purifying agent that kills it can be created in the laboratory, and that placing the agent in air conditioning cooling towers prevents the outbreak of disease. He adds that deodorants for eliminating odors from wastewater treatment plants can be created in the lab as well.

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