版主今天介紹一則老美的脫口秀，名為 “The Grocery Store” (商店賣場趣聞)，內容是關於去賣場時購物的趣事。脫口秀演出者為 Sebastian Maniscalco 。

 

◎ 第一段 (諷刺許多美國人不顧他人眼光，穿著邋遢就到賣場買東西)

Good to be here. Rough day to the grocery store.

Dress code - 衣著規定 

People care what they look like anymore?

I just almost rolled out of bed. And the Food section.

I’m not into this whole  ”comfortable” thing.

“I’m comfortable. I don’t care what people think of me. I’m comfortable.

“Yeah? I’m uncomfortable that you’re comfortable.” Shower!

 

◎ 第二段 (挖苦有人還在用支票付賬，讓後頭結帳的人為之氣結)
I’ve got no patience for people.

There’s always a problem in my line.

Who’s still paying in check?! 2008 and you’re whippin out a checkbook?! What? 

You see it. It would come out of the bag in slow motion. Then the whole line spots it, and *&(&&^**(..**.

It’s just not the checkbook. Things that go with the checkbook.

Glasses always come on.

Gonna find the check. Hold on!

Who do I write the check to?

It’s on the guy’s apron. It’s on the bags. There’s a lot of hints here.

 

◎ 第三段 (有些人喜歡拿折價券到賣場購物，其實沒省多少錢)
Coupons? What? Leave them in the paper.

Coupon lady.  She’s got that coupon face. “I’ve got the coupon.”

The cashiers don’t recognize it: “Sorry, we don’t accept this.”

“Yes, you do. Can I see you manager, please?”

This guy (The grocery manager) looks like he got out of a nine day bender.

He’s got to look at the code in the computer, and he’s got to look at his book.

“You’re gonna find three cents on the way to the car: get outta my life”

 

◎ 第四段 (講述現今社會人際關係冷淡，已經沒有人去串門子了，今天要是聽到有人按門鈴，得多加謹慎小心)
My door bell rang. Weird…

That’s a differnet feeling than it was twenty years ago.

**昔日**
Oh, my God! Somebody’s here. Let’s go get it.
The whole family would go to the door. It was a happy  moment.

“Oh, my God. What are you doing here?”
“I’m in the neighborhood. I thought I might stop in.”
“Come on in for some cakes.”
 
Your mother made the announcement: this is a company cake. No body eat it! okay

**如今**
Now your door bell rings?

You have to turn and ask the people you live with: “You invite anybody over?”

Get down! get down!

Everybody goes to a different corner.

Let them go. You know what? Because that’s stranger danger. We Don’t Want Stranger Danger!

 

© 英語學習網站《天地無用》- 狂飆英語的樂園