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中進英翻譯賞析:張大春《將軍碑》(1)
撰文者: Wayne 發表日期: August 25, 2010 – 9:06 am

張大春的《將軍碑》曾經榮獲第九屆「時報文學獎」小說類首獎。他錯亂時空順序,不但顛覆歷史的線性邏輯概念,更正面挑戰解嚴體制下的「名人回憶錄」形式。《將軍碑》以八十三歲的退伍將軍武鎮東為主角,通篇故事就在武將軍的神遊 (不停帶著女記者或兒子進出歷史隧道) 與現實情境的交錯中一路發展下去。

何謂真正的歷史?在張大春眼中,每個人都刻意篩選記憶來建構腦海中的歷史,沒有人的記憶等同於真正的歷史。原本應當傳遞歷史的語言不僅無法用來溝通,反倒是一面圍牆,人人都囚禁在自己構築的語言監獄。在《將軍碑》中,粗氣的老將軍想把自己的價值觀念硬生生加在有搽古龍水習慣的兒子身上,但他兒子 (維揚) 總愛淡淡的應一句:「那是您的歷史,爸! / 而且都過去了。」 對每個人而言,歷史不過是記憶交融之後的產物,無所謂對錯,沒有什麼人、什麼事是純粹的。

《將軍碑》曾經收錄於齊邦媛編著的《中英對照讀台灣小說》,英文譯者之ㄧ正是版主的美國教授 John Balcom。版主曾經向老師請教這篇譯文的翻譯心得,著實獲益良多。這篇出色的小說以時間錯謬為主軸,夢境與今昔的交替甚為頻繁,翻譯時需要精確掌握時態,方能在西方讀者的腦海中營造相同情境。此外,張大春的文字功力高深,用字簡鍊精準,文白交融合宜,翻譯這篇小說對譯者真是一大考驗。

本篇是第一部份,其餘部分請參考:

中進英翻譯賞析:張大春《將軍碑》(2)

中進英翻譯賞析:張大春《將軍碑》(3)

中進英翻譯賞析:張大春《將軍碑》(4)

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《將軍碑》
張大春

除了季節交會的那幾天之外,將軍已經無視於時間的存在了。他通常在半夜起床,走上陽台,向滿園闃暗招搖的花木揮手微笑,以示答禮。到了黃昏時刻,他就舉起望遠鏡,朝太平山一帶掃視良久,推斷土共或日本鬼子宿營的據點。如果清晨沒有起霧和落雨的話,他總是穿戴整齊,從淡泊園南門沿小路上山,看看多年以後他的老部下們為他塑建的大理石紀念碑。

Except for the few days when one season passed into another, the General was no longer aware of the existence of time.  Usually he would get up at midnight and walk to the balcony, smiling and waving in salute to the swinging trees and flowers in the dark garden. At dusk he would take up his field glasses and spend a considerable amount of time scanning Mt. T’ai-p’ing and its environs, guessing the whereabouts of Communist or Japanese bases. If there were no fog or rain in the morning, he would always dress up, and, from the south gae of  Tan-po¹ Garden, he would take the small path up the mountain to look at the marble monument his subordiantes erected for him many years later.

1. Tan-p0 (淡泊), literally means indifferent to fame, wealth and all worldly cares.

translation

1. 先定敘事的時間點,譯者使用故事寫法最常見的「過去式」,藉此強調故事的真實性。關於這點的詳細說明,請參考『英文「過去簡單式」的使用時機 (2)』。
** 所有發生在敘事點之前的事件都必須使用「過去完成式」,假設的用法也必須使用「過去完成式」。
** 故事中的「未來事件」在與現在相較之下也比須使用過去式,通常只有在對話之中才使用「現在式/現在進行式 /未來表達方式」。

2. 季結交會的那幾天 … = > the few days when one seaon passed into another (season /one)..
這是中英文結構上的差異,許多中文的描述可用關係代名詞來處理。舉個例子來說:
現今的世界,天災愈來愈多 => 可以利用上述關係代名詞的方式來翻譯:We’re living in a world where natural disasters are increasing.

3. Usually he would get up….. At dusk he would take up his field glasses. If …, he would always dress up.., he would take the small path…
這是採用 would 來說明「過去習慣」,版主在以前的貼文強調過好幾次。詳細的說明,請網友參考『英文「過去簡單式」的使用時機 (3)』。

4. …, guessing the whereabouts of Communist or Japanese bases.
這種『主要子句 + , + Ving (附屬子句) 』的寫法十分常見,主要是約略說明主從關係,有時等於用  and/ because/ for /since 連接時的寫法。有心從事中進英的網友務必多多體會這種寫法。

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將軍能夠穿透時間,周遊於過去與未來的事一直是個祕密。人們在將軍活著的最後兩年裡始終無法了解他言行異常的原因,還以為他難耐退休的冷清寂寞,又經常沉湎於舊日的輝煌彪炳之中,以致神智不清了。於是有人怪罪將軍的獨子;認為他沒有克盡孝職,害得老人家幽居日久,變得瘋瘋癲癲的。也有人熱心籌畫些同鄉會、基金會之類的機構,敦請將軍出任理監事或者顧問等等,免得他「閒慌了」。此外,為將軍八十歲而出版過慶壽文集的人更再三請示他口述回憶錄,好為大時代留下歷史的見證。

How the General was able to travel through time, roaming between the past and the future remained a secret. During the last two years of his life, no one could figure out why he talked and acted so strangely. People just assumed that he couldn’t stand the quietness and loneliness of retired life, and that he spent so much time buried in the glories of the past that he eventually lost his mind. Others blamed his only son for neglecting his filial duty by allowing the old man to live so long in seclusion that he became deranged. Some sympathetic people even tried to create some kind of community groups or foundation and ask him to be an advisor or board member to save him from the awful boredom of idleness. Still others, who had published a collection of writings in honor of the General on his eightieth birthday, asked him, time and again, to give an oral account of his life as a historic testimony to a great age.

translation

1. How + 子句 + remained a secret.
這是第一句的主要結構,其中又內嵌一個剛剛提過的『主要子句 + , + Ving (附屬子句) 』的寫法。看清楚這點之後,我們便可以稍微變化英文的寫法。
** No one knows how the General was able to travel through time, roaming between the past and the future.
我認為這裏使用 how 來引導子句會導致一點誤解,張大春應該是說,沒有人知道將軍能夠穿越時間。因此,翻譯成 “No one discovered /noticed /knew that the General could (=was able to) travel through time, roaming between the past and the future.” 比較妥當。

2. …, 還以為 => Peopel just assumed that ..
..that … , that…. => 連接兩個子句 (動詞都是 assumed),將中文鬆散的內容統整起來。第二個子句又有 so… that 的句型。

3. 這裡的 buried 有點問題,我會改寫成 “burying himself in the glories of the past”,這樣方能符合 bury 的使用方法。

4.  Others … Some (sympathetic) people… Still others… => 這是英文常見的一種寫法,用來舉例說明某種情況。版主曾經貼文的說明,請網友參考『英文寫作常用的「轉折詞」(Transitional Expressions)』。
Some (models)…; others…; still others…
(sample usage) The methods of following patterns are as various as the patterns themselves. Some models provide especially effective sentence patterns; others lend themselves to organizational analysis; still others reveal an effective syntactical scheme. Whatever the method of using the model, the object -careful scrutiny of written material – remains.

版主會將譯文的轉折詞改成上面的形式,亦即:
Some blamed his only son… Other sympathetic people even tried to… Still others, who had…

5. 也有人熱心籌畫些同鄉會、基金會之類的機構 => Some sympathetic people even tried to create some kind of community groups or foundation…
網友看出中英詞性的轉換嗎?熱心 (中文是動詞) / Sympathetic people (英文是形容詞),這是高等的翻譯方式。

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在將軍仍能開口說話的時候,他總是禮貌地向這些偶爾來表達關切的人士道謝,並且為兒子維揚辯解。早幾年裡他還知道自己會在訪客面前撒些小謊 – 比方說虛報維揚回淡泊園來探視的次數或逗留的時日;可是日子一久,將軍就真的弄不清;究竟維揚是「前天上午剛走」?還是「昨兒晚上才回來過」?漸漸地,他應答客人的話少了,他經常答得驢唇不對馬嘴,原因是他開始當著所有人的面神遊起來。有一次同鄉會的人請他談養生之道,他卻讓對方立正站好一刻鐘。另一次事件發生在將軍八十三歲的暖壽宴席上。他一口瀝乾了金杯中的餘酒,虎地站起身子,衝七十二位賀客說道:「你們要是真心看得起我武鎮東,就把山上那塊碑給卸了!我可擔不住那麼些好辭兒!」客人面面相覷,不明白將軍的意思,大家都懷疑自己聽錯了- 山上那裡有什麼碑?可是沒有人敢拂逆將軍什麼,連忙稱:「是。」將軍反而惱了,他知道沒有人會去拆那塊碑,氣得一屁股坐下去,罵了聲:「媽個屄的!一群小人。」武維揚這時輕輕推身離座,彎彎曲曲繞過幾張紅布圓桌,抬手格開老管家前來阻攔的肩膀,在一片鬥鬧聲中走出淡泊園。將軍目送兒子的背影消失在廊外的那排龍柏之間,又聽見老管家囁嚅著說:「大少爺晚上有個演講會,趕回台北去了。」當下便打了個酒嗝,向眾人點頭、微笑、渾若無事地揮揮手。然而沒有人知道:將軍已經打定主意:從此再也不開口講話了。

When the General could still talk, he would politely express his appreciation to those who occasionally stopped by to show their concern. He would defend his son, Wei-yang. Earlier, he was still aware of his telling fibs about how often Wei-yang visisted Tah-po Garden and how long he stayed. But as time went on, the Generally really got confused, he wasn’t certain did Wei-yang leave in the morning, day before yesterday? Or did he just come back the night before? Increasingly, his responses to his guests became fewer and less relevant as his mind began to wander. Once, a fellow from his hometown asked him how he managed to stay in such good health. The General made him stand at attention for a good fifteen minutes. Something like this also occurred at the banquet on the eve of his eighty-third birthday. As he gulped down the last drop of wine from his gold cup, he sprang up like a tiger befroe the seventy-two guests who had come to celebrate his birthday, and blurted out,  “If you really think highly of me, Wu Chen-tung, take down the monument from the top of the mountain, I don’t deserve such fine words.” The guests looked at one another, confused, unable to understand what he meant. They wondered if they had heard correctly – what monument on the mountain? But no one dared to disagree with him, so they hurriedly rushed to consent. Stragnely, the General became upset. He knew very well that no one would remove the monument so he slumped back in his chair furiously. “Fuck it!” he cursed, “a bunch of scumbags.” At that moment, Wei-yang quietly stood up and pushed away the old valet who came forward to block him with his shoulder. He wove his way between the round tables covered with red table cloths and left Tan-po Garden amid the clamor. The General gazed after his son disappearing among the rows of cypress trees outside the hall. Then he heard his old valet say haltingly, “The young master must attend a lecture tonight, he has to rush back to Taipei.” The General burped and nodded at the people, smiling and waving his hand as if nothing had happened. However, nobody knew that the General had already made up his mind never to talk again.

translation

1. show one’s concern = 表達關心
concern = worry = anxiety
這個單字通常是表明說話者的擔憂,害怕會發生不好的事情。
** There is a growing concern that the kid may have been killed. (愈來愈擔心小孩可能已經慘遭毒手殺害。)
** What I concern is …. (我擔心的是…)
** Our losses are beginning  to concern me. (我們的損失讓我擔心起來了。)

2. fib = untrue statement , esp about something unimportant 撒 (無傷大雅) 的小謊
中文使用「撒些小謊  – 比方說虛報」,英文就用一個字 (fib) 來說明兩個中文詞 (撒些小謊與虛報) ,這種運用端視譯者的拿捏,我個人頗為欣賞這種譯法。

3. Increasingly, his responses to his guests became fewer and less relevant as his mind began to wander.
這句翻譯是不受中文原文詞性的規範,完全依照英文的邏輯來翻譯,譯文因此變得更為簡潔。

4. managed to do sth = 表示過去成功達成某件事
這是中翻英時常用的句型,但是要多多體會。

5.  for a good fifteen minutes = 足足佔了15 分鐘
good = complete; thorough 徹底;完全
I went for a good long walk. (我那時好好散步一了下。)

6. As he gulped down the last drop of wine from his gold cup
As = 表示「一旦 /當」,做完某件事情便立刻做下面的事。版主曾經貼文的說明,請網友參考『英文專題討論:When, While, As 三者有何差別?(實戰篇:As)』。

7. sprang up like a tiger = 虎地站起身子
這個翻法很有趣,連 tiger 都出來了。spring 是表示:突然躍起 (jump or move suddently from the ground)
英文片語 “spring up” 亦可表示突然出現 (appear suddenly)
A breeze sprang up as we were returning. (我們回來時突然起了一陣輕風。)

8. blurt sth out = say sth suddenly and tactlessly 脫口說出 (不加思索)
9. I don’t deserve such fine words. 我可擔不住那麼些好辭兒
deserve = 就是某人夠資格獲得某些榮譽、頭銜或事物。
英文片中常看到主角安慰剛被男朋友甩的朋友:You deserve a better one! (他不配跟你在一起。)

10. They hurriedly rush to consent = 連忙稱是

11. 將軍反而惱了,他知道沒有人會去拆那塊碑,氣得一屁股坐下去
(譯文) Strangely, the General became upset. He knew very well that no one would remove the monument so he slumped back in his chair furiously.

這裡的轉折 (反而) 有點難翻,strangely 是一種選擇,它讓英文文句通暢簡短,維持住力道。可是有個缺點,就是譯者過度詮釋 (張大春已經花了一大段來講賀客的虛假,將軍會生氣並不奇怪),中文的思維是完全以將軍為中心來說這句,表示他看到這種唯唯諾諾的場面,心理便老大不高興。

我提供另一種翻譯方法,好壞見仁見智:
But this angered the General, who knew…
Seeing all of this, the General became upset. He knew…

12. 武維揚這時輕輕推身離座,彎彎曲曲繞過幾張紅布圓桌,抬手格開老管家前來阻攔的肩膀,在一片鬥鬧聲中走出淡泊園。
(譯文) At that moment, Wei-yang quietly stood up and pushed away the old valet who came forward to block him with his shoulder. He wove his way between the round tables covered with red table cloths and left Tan-po Garden amid the clamor.

對照之下,英文譯文做了許多變動,版主感覺有點扭曲原意,可能會造成誤解。其實,英文可以完全依循原文的語序來翻譯,不會有任何問題。版主試著改寫如下:
At that moment, Wei-yang quietly stood up and left his seat, weaving his way among the round tables covered with red table cloths. He pushed away the old valet, who came forward to block him with his shoulder, and left Tan-po Garden amid the clamor.

13. 當下便打了個酒嗝,向眾人點頭、微笑、渾若無事地揮揮手
(譯文) The General burped and nodded at the people, smiling and waving his hand as if nothing had happened.

譯者在這段切開中文結構,先將四個動作 (打酒嗝、向眾人點頭、微笑與揮揮手) 分成兩組,重組之後來翻成英文 => V1 + V2, V3 ing +V4 ing (這真是很好的學習範例,譯者必須有良好的英文語感。)

as if nothing had happened = 非過去事實的假設,因此要用過去完成式。

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