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中進英翻譯賞析:張大春《將軍碑》(2)
撰文者: Wayne 發表日期: November 6, 2010 – 2:40 pm

張大春的《將軍碑》曾經榮獲第九屆「時報文學獎」小說類首獎。他錯亂時空順序,不但顛覆歷史的線性邏輯概念,更正面挑戰解嚴體制下的「名人回憶錄」形式。《將軍碑》以八十三歲的退伍將軍武鎮東為主角,通篇故事就在武將軍的神遊 (不停帶著女記者或兒子進出歷史隧道) 與現實情境的交錯中一路發展下去。

何謂真正的歷史?在張大春眼中,每個人都刻意篩選記憶來建構腦海中的歷史,沒有人的記憶等同於真正的歷史。原本應當傳遞歷史的語言不僅無法用來溝通,反倒是一面圍牆,人人都囚禁在自己構築的語言監獄。在《將軍碑》中,粗氣的老將軍想把自己的價值觀念硬生生加在有搽古龍水習慣的兒子身上,但他兒子 (維揚) 總愛淡淡的應一句:「那是您的歷史,爸! / 而且都過去了。」 對每個人而言,歷史不過是記憶交融之後的產物,無所謂對錯,沒有什麼人、什麼事是純粹的。

《將軍碑》曾經收錄於齊邦媛編著的《中英對照讀台灣小說》,英文譯者之ㄧ正是版主的美國教授 John Balcom。版主曾經向老師請教這篇譯文的翻譯心得,著實獲益良多。這篇出色的小說以時間錯謬為主軸,夢境與今昔的交替甚為頻繁,翻譯時需要精確掌握時態,方能在西方讀者的腦海中營造相同情境。此外,張大春的文字功力高深,用字簡鍊精準,文白交融合宜,翻譯這篇小說對譯者真是一大考驗。

這是版主解析的第二部份,其餘部分請參考:

中進英翻譯賞析:張大春《將軍碑》(1)

中進英翻譯賞析:張大春《將軍碑》(3)

中進英翻譯賞析:張大春《將軍碑》(4)

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第一個發現將軍變成啞巴的是基金會聘來為將軍撰寫回憶錄的傳記作家石琦。她一整天的時間請將軍「努力回想一下民國十五年十一月北伐軍克復九江的情形」,可是將軍逕自在搖椅裡前仰後合,絲毫不為所動。最後,石琦關掉錄音機,輕拍著將軍的手背,說:「那麼您休息吧,我告辭了。」

The first person to discover that the General had become mute was Shih Ch’i , the biographer hired by the Foundation to write the General’s memoirs. She spent an entire day asking the General to make an effort to recall the state of affairs when the Troops of the Northen Expedition recaptured Chiuchiang in November of 1926.  But the General just sat there, rocking back and forth in his rocking chair, saying nothing. Finally, Shih Ch’i turned off the tape recorder and softly patted the back of his hand. “Please take a rest then. I have to leave,” she said.

translation

1. 本篇翻譯的敘事時間點事在過去,描寫的過去當下更早發生的事情要用「過去完成式」。
The General had become mute -> 表示將軍已經變啞吧了。

2. memoirs (pl) = person’s written account of his life and experiences 自傳
這個英文單字在這種情況下要使用複數形式

3. spend … in V+ ing = 花了一段時間做某件事情 (這種標準的英文寫法很常見,一定要學會使用)

4. in November of 1926 = 根據版主的理解,November 受到限定,前面應該要加定冠詞比較合適,亦即要改寫成 “in the November of 1926″。

5. 可是將軍逕自在搖椅裡前仰後合,絲毫不為所動。
譯者用 But the General just sat there, rocking back and forth in his rocking chair, saying nothing. 這句翻譯跳脫中文思維,完全依照情境使用英文描述,不拘泥於字面,這種譯法值得模仿。
整體的英文結構分成:主要句 (But the General just sat there saying nothing) + 插入句 (rocking back and forth in his rocking chair)。

rock 是及物動詞,原本應該接受詞而寫成 rocking himself back and forth in his rocking chair,但是太囉唆,因此可以省略 himself。

just 在此是指「僅僅,只是」(only; simply),利用這個字來傳遞虛詞「逕自」的意思。

6. turned off the tape recorder -> 雖然文章是第一次提及錄音機,但是仍然要用 ‘the’ ,不可用 ‘a’ ,詳細的解說請參考『冠詞的一般用法』。

這種冠詞用法跟下面的例句很像:
** Do not lean against the door.
(請勿倚靠車門) → you know which one!

** Did you lock the car? (車子鎖了沒?) → you know which one!
(比較) We hired a car to go to Taipei. (我們僱了一部車前往台北)

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其實將軍一直沒休息,他仍舊流利地運用他那貫穿時間的秘密能力,把石琦從九江帶到南昌,在一所琺瑯工廠的地下室裡,會見了當地青幫的頭目馬志方。馬某人當場透露了一個驚人的情報:共產黨即將在上海發動一次群眾暴動。將軍回頭看一眼瑟縮在琺瑯器堆裡的石琦,笑著說:「不要怕!有我在。」說著便昂昂下巴示意石琦注意會議桌前和馬志方會談的那個年輕、英挺的自己。「那年我還不滿二十五。」將軍隨即拉起石琦的手,穿過四個月又二十天,抵達上海法租界外,看見兩百多支削尖的竹竿掛著一顆顆血淋淋的人頭。石琦驚叫著倒在他的臂彎裡。將軍搖醒她,扠腰環視著混戰之後硝煙瀰漫的街道,說:「暴民都正法了,不要怕。」然而石琦卻瞪起一雙又驚又疑的眼睛,對他凝視了半晌,才輕拍兩下他的手背,說:「那麼您休息吧,我告辭了。」將軍看著那雙渾圓的小腿和纖細的腳踝,聽見高跟鞋踏在青石磚上發出喀喀的脆響,任由她消失於煙塵之中。接著他發現自己孤獨地站在黃浦馬路上,放聲吶喊著:「今天是個大日子!」喊聲混揉著極喜和極悲,極響亮也極靜默,將軍無法確知:今天究竟是他二十五還是八十三歲的生日?

Actually the General was not resting at all. He was skillfully using his secret power to traverse through time, to transport Shih Ch’i from Chiuchiang to Nanch’ang. In the basement of an enamel factory they met Ma Chih-fang, the leader of the Green Gang. Ma disclosed, then and there, the alarming news that the Communists would stage a mass riot in Shanghai. The General turned his head and saw Shih Ch’i cowering among piles of enamelware. He smiled and said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m here.” He gave a few thrusts of his chin signaling that Shih Ch’i should pay attention to the handsome young man coversing with Ma Chih-fang: it was none other than he himself. “I wasn’t even twenty-five that year.” Then the General took Shih Ch’i by the hand and passed through another four months and twenty days. They arrived at the border of the Shanghai French Concession where they saw more than two hundred bloody, decapitated heads stuck on pointed bamboo poles. Shih Ch’i screamed and fainted in his arms. The General shook her to wake her up, then stood, arms akimbo, looking around at the chaotic smoke-filled aftermath of battle. “The rioters have all been executed; dont’ be afraid,” he said. Filled with fear and suspicion, she stared at him for some time before she softly patted him on the back of his hand, saying, “Get some rest then. I have to leave.” The General watched her smooth, round calves and delicate ankles and heard the tapping of her high-heeled shoes going down the green stone path until she disappeared in the haze. Then he found himself standing alone on Huang-p’u Boulevard shouting, “Today is a great day!” His shout was a mixture of great joy and great sadness, and it was at once very loud and very soft. The General had no way of knowing for certain: was today his twenty-fifth or eighty-third birthday?

translation

1. Actually the General was not resting at all. He was skillfully using his secret power…
根據前一段的敘述,石琦是花一整天來說服將軍回憶當年作戰情況,因此這兩句要用可表達持續意思的「過去進行式」。

2. He was skillfully using his secret power to traverse through time, to transport Shih Ch’i from Chiuchiang to Nanch’ang.
這句的結構其實不嚴謹,畫底線的 to 其實是處在一種不穩定狀態,譯者可能是認為 to traverse through time 和 to transport Shih Ch’i from Chiuchiang to Nanch’ang 這兩件事情不等價,因此不用 and 來連接這兩個子句。從文學的角度來看,這種鬆散的英文結構並不奇特。不過,版主認為用 , Ving (表示結果) 的句型來傳達中文的意思也不構成大礙,而且還免去結構不嚴謹的疑慮。改寫如下:
He was skillfully using his secret power to traverse through time, transporting Shih Ch’i from Chiuchiang to Nanch’ang.

3. 共產黨即將在上海發動一次群眾暴動
英文 (the Communists would stage a mass riot in Shanghai) 並未精確表達「即將」的意思,如果寫成 the Communists were about to stage a mass riot in Shanghai 會更貼近原文。

此處如果用 the Communists was staging a mass riot in Shanghai 可能會令人誤解,有可能暴動即將發生,也有可能暴動正在發生,因此最好放棄這種寫法。

4.  將軍回頭看一眼瑟縮在琺瑯器堆裡的石琦 -> The General turned his head and saw Shih Ch’i covering among piles of enamelware.
這句話也可從不同角度來改寫:
The General turned to take a look at Shih Ch’i, who was (found) covering among piles of enamelware.
改寫的版本跟中文比較貼近,不過如果搭配下一句來讀的話,譯者原先的版本更為順口。

英文字 ‘ware’ 常用來構成複合詞,用來表示某類「製成品 (manufactured goods)」,為不可數名詞。
hardware – 五金品
silverware – 銀器
ironware – 鐵器

5. He gave a few thrusts of his chin signaling that Shih Ch’i should pay attention to the handsome young man coversing with Ma Chih-fang: it was none other than he himself.
說著便昂昂下巴示意石琦注意會議桌前和馬志方會談的那個年輕、英挺的自己。

這句英文譯得很好,主要結構如下: S + V1 + Ving + 子句 : 補述子句

中文將主詞隱藏,翻譯時要將主詞 (The General 或 He) 補回去。譯者也可以使用插入句的方式來翻譯原文:
He gave a few thrusts of his chin signaling that Shih Ch’i should pay attention to the handsome young man – who was none other than he himself – coversing with Ma Chih-fang.

6. The General shook her to wake her up, then stood, arms akimbo, looking around at the chaotic smoke-filled aftermath of battle.
將軍搖醒她,扠腰環視著混戰之後硝煙瀰漫的街道

這句翻譯有兩點值得去討論:
* 英文單字 ‘then’ 在正統的用法中並不能直接連接句子。
* 中文直接說出「硝煙瀰漫的街道」,英文卻以模糊的字眼 ‘aftermath’ 來替代。

aftermath : the situation that exists as a result of an important (and usually unpleasant) event, especially a war, an accident, etc.
(戰爭、事故、不快事情的) 後果 /創傷

根據這兩點,版主會略微修改譯文,使其更貼近原文:
The General shook her to wake her up, and then stood with arms akimbo looking around at the smoke-filled streets after a chaotic battle.

7. Get some rest then. I have to leave. 那麼您休息吧,我告辭了。

這句翻譯沒有問題,出問題的是無法反映本篇小說時空交替的手法。這句石琦所說的話其實在前一段已經出現過 (當時翻譯成 Please take a rest then. I have to leave. ),為了表明將軍「已經從過去回到現實」,中文原文的字句是一模一樣,因此英文也要翻成一樣。
Get some rest then. I have to leave. ->Please take a rest then. I have to leave.

8. The General watched her smooth, round calves and delicate ankles and heard the tapping of her high-heeled shoes going down the green stone path until she disappeared in the haze.
將軍看著那雙渾圓的小腿和纖細的腳踝,聽見高跟鞋踏在青石磚上發出喀喀的脆響,任由她消失於煙塵之中。

中翻英時最頭痛的就是要處理這種情況。此時譯者要掌控的,是要在心中畫出景象,找出中文的核心觀點,然後去蕪存菁,排列出事情發生的先後順序,最後再套入想好的英文句型之中。
核心觀點:看著… / 聽見…/ 她消失於…
虛詞:任由 -> 表示將軍根本就沒有做任何動作 (如呼叫、制止等)
發生的先後順序:1. 看著… / 聽見… (同時發生) 2. 她消失於…

譯者根據這幾點,使用 S + watched (V1) …+ heard (V2) + until + 子句 (說明她消失於 …) // until 可說明事件的先後順序
The General watched her smooth, round calves and delicate ankles and heard the tapping of her high-heeled shoes going down the green stone path until she disappeared in the haze.

我們從這句可以學到很多良好的翻譯觀念,知道如何將鬆散的中文「置入」嚴謹的英文之中。

* 以往台灣英文界常出現的句型 ‘not …until’ (直到…才) 不能說是完全錯誤,而是高階的英文讀者要將這種句型從心中除去,徹底明瞭 until 的實際用法,’not’ 並非是一定要出現的。
Don’t leave until I arrive. (我來了你才能離開。) – >not… until…
Continue in this direction until you see a sign. (一直朝這個方向走,直到你看見標示牌。) – >…until…

根據上面的觀念,本句也可以使用 ‘before’ 來取代 ‘until’,藉此說明事件發生的先後順序。
The General watched her smooth, round calves and delicate ankles and heard the tapping of her high-heeled shoes going down the green stone path before she disappeared in the haze.

這種寫法,文章先前就出現過:
Filled with fear and suspicion, she stared at him for some time before she softly patted him on the back of his hand…

9. at once 有兩種意思:
** 立即 (immediately) => Come here at once! (馬上到這裡來!)
** 同時 (at the same time) => I can’t do two things at once. (我無法同時做兩件事情 / 我無法一心二用) -> 這是英文譯文所採用的意思

10. 將軍無法確知:今天究竟是他二十五還是八十三歲的生日?
The General had no way of knowing for certain: was today his twenty-fifth or eighty-third birthday?

這句翻譯很值得模仿。

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將軍也曾悄悄地造訪過自己八十四歲時的葬禮。

The General also secretly attended his own funeral which occurred in his eighty-fourth year.

translation

1. 悄悄地 => 中文的意思是沒有人知道,不要翻成 quietly。

2. 八十四歲 -> in his eighty-fourth year 這種英文寫法要記住。

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葬禮果然按照他的意思,在淡泊園舉行。他的遺像還是七十二歲剛退役的時候照的那張,懸掛在大廳朝南的牆上。兩旁四壁和大廳的橫樑上掛滿了各式各樣的輓聯和匾額。(他摘下老花鏡,看了一幅上聯,就感覺有點頭昏腦脹,上氣不接下氣,乾脆作罷。)

The funeral was held at Tan-po Garden, just as he had instructed. His funeral portrait was that photograph taken when he was seventy-two, just after retiring from militrary service. It was hung in the main hall, on the wall facing south. All sorts of elegiac couplets and horizontal plaques filled the walls and the lateral beam of the room. (He took off his reading glasses and read the first line of a couplet but he felt so dizzy and short of breath that he simply stopped.)

translation

1. just as => 這裡的 just 是指「正好;恰好 (exactly)」
* This hat is just the thing I need. (這正是我要的帽子。)

2. just after => 這裡的 just 是指「剛剛 (very recently; in the immediate past)」
* When you arrived he just had left. = He left immediately before you arrived. (你來時他剛走。)

3. retire for military service 退役
* He wound up his service as a lieutenant. (他退役時是中尉。)

4. elegaic = suitable for elegies (適用於輓歌的)
* elegaic couplets (輓歌對句)

5. plague = 飾板
A simple plaque marks the spot where the martyr died. (有一塊素雅的飾板來紀念該烈士殉難之處。)

6. the lateral beam of the room 大廳橫樑
版主在這裡會使用複數 -> the lateral beams of the room

7. 老花鏡 -> reading glasses

8. so … that  -> 如此… 已經 (這種句型一定要能夠運用自如)

* feel so dizzy and (feel) short of breath that…
short of breath = out of breath = breathing very quickly or panting hard

9. simply -> 這裡是用來表達虛詞語氣,有點像下面的例句
I simply refused to go! 我就是不去
His pronunciation is simply terrible. 他的發音實在很糟。

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他好容易從人堆裡瞥見維揚,穿著一襲長布白衫,銀絲框眼鏡底下的一雙眼睛略微帶點浮腫,顯然是哭過了。這使將軍在錯愕中不禁有些驚喜,便往裡擠了擠,站到他身邊去。維揚比他高半頭,他得挺直腰桿、踮顫著腳尖才看清楚兒子的鬚角也泛白了。將軍半是嗔怨、半是憐惜地扯扯維揚的袖口,說:「到我死了還不肯討老婆,我做了什麼孽?要你來罰我絕子絕孫!」維揚甩了甩袖子,沒理他。

With some difficulty he spotted Wei-yang in the crowd. He was wearing a white gown and silver-framed glasses; his eyes were a little swollen; obviously he had been crying. Though startled, the General was also pleasantly surprised. He pushed his way through the crowd to stand next to his son. Wei-yang was half a head taller than him; he had to straighten his back and stand on tiptoe, only then could he clearly see his son’s face. He discovered that Wei-yang’s stubble was already sprinked with white. Half in protest and half out of love, the General tugged at Wei-yang’s cuff, saying, “Now I am dead and you still haven’t got yourself a wife. What have I done to deserve this? Must you punish me by cutting off my lineage?” Wei-yang, casually pulling his sleeve away, paid no attention to him.

translation

1.  好容易 = 好不容易
版主猜想可能是這個意思,因此英文要翻譯成 “With some difficulty”。

2. obvious he had been crying. 這種過去進行式代表剛剛做某件事情。網友請參照下面的例子:

表示過去的持續行為
** John was tired because he had been jogging.
(約翰當時在慢跑,因此覺得累。)
(解說) 說這句話時強調「約翰當時一直慢跑,所以覺得累」,約翰有可能還在慢跑,也有可能剛剛結束慢跑。
如果要強調「約翰當時還在慢跑,所以覺得累」,可用以下的例句:
** John was tired because he was jogging.

** I could smell that he had been smoking.
(我當時聞得出來他剛抽過菸。)

3. 驚喜 = pleasantly surprised 這是中、英有趣的差別之處。

4. 挺直腰桿 straighten his back / 踮顫著腳尖 stand on tiptoe

5. Only then could he clearly see his son’s face. => 這是一種倒裝句 (Only then… ),主詞與動詞必須對調
Only then was I able to understand what he meant.

6. stubble was sprinkled with white  => 鬚角也泛白了

His stubble was slightly frosted. 這種寫法也可以表示鬚角泛白。

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