header-pic
中進英翻譯賞析:張大春《將軍碑》(3)
撰文者: Wayne 發表日期: December 20, 2010 – 2:15 am

張大春的《將軍碑》曾經榮獲第九屆「時報文學獎」小說類首獎。他錯亂時空順序,不但顛覆歷史的線性邏輯概念,更正面挑戰解嚴體制下的「名人回憶錄」形式。《將軍碑》以八十三歲的退伍將軍武鎮東為主角,通篇故事就在武將軍的神遊 (不停帶著女記者或兒子進出歷史隧道) 與現實情境的交錯中一路發展下去。

何謂真正的歷史?在張大春眼中,每個人都刻意篩選記憶來建構腦海中的歷史,沒有人的記憶等同於真正的歷史。原本應當傳遞歷史的語言不僅無法用來溝通,反倒是一面圍牆,人人都囚禁在自己構築的語言監獄。在《將軍碑》中,粗氣的老將軍想把自己的價值觀念硬生生加在有搽古龍水習慣的兒子身上,但他兒子 (維揚) 總愛淡淡的應一句:「那是您的歷史,爸! / 而且都過去了。」 對每個人而言,歷史不過是記憶交融之後的產物,無所謂對錯,沒有什麼人、什麼事是純粹的。

《將軍碑》曾經收錄於齊邦媛編著的《中英對照讀台灣小說》,英文譯者之ㄧ正是版主的美國教授 John Balcom。版主曾經向老師請教這篇譯文的翻譯心得,著實獲益良多。這篇出色的小說以時間錯謬為主軸,夢境與今昔的交替甚為頻繁,翻譯時需要精確掌握時態,方能在西方讀者的腦海中營造相同情境。此外,張大春的文字功力高深,用字簡鍊精準,文白交融合宜,翻譯這篇小說對譯者真是一大考驗。

這是版主解析的第三部份,其餘部分請參考:

中進英翻譯賞析:張大春《將軍碑》(1)

中進英翻譯賞析:張大春《將軍碑》(2)

中進英翻譯賞析:張大春《將軍碑》(4)

database_new

《將軍碑》
張大春

將軍嘆口氣,吹跑了婦聯會一個代表旗袍襟上的手絹兒。然後他跟著滿地亂滾的手絹兒步出大廳,躲開朗誦祭文的怪腔怪調,看見石琦站在廊簷底下拿手指抹眼淚。他正想拾起手絹兒遞上去,卻聽見基金會的秘書長說話了:「真是難得難得!石小姐,難得有機會碰見你。」他們親切地寒暄一陣之後,石琦又恢復了先前憂戚的神色,低聲說道:「人家辛辛苦苦又訪問、又錄音,搞了三個多月,結果全泡湯了。」秘書長拍撫著石琦的肩膀,想了半天,忽然眉頭一展:「有了,待會兒我把將軍的公子給你引見引見,也許還有救。」將軍這一下急了:「那小子知道個屁!」「我知道他。」石琦掠一下額前的劉海,微笑著說:「他是社會學的名教授!」「放屁!」將軍氣得從台階上跳下來,翻倒了好幾個花圈。

The General sighed, blowing the handkerchief off the Ch’i-P’ao lapel of a representative from the Women’s League. The he followed the handkerchief as it blew across the floor out into the main hall, to aviod hearing the weird tones of the chanted eulogies. He saw Shih Ch’i standing beneath the eaves of the corridor wiping away her tears with her fingers. Just as he was about to pick up the handkerchief for her, he heard the Secretary General of the Foundation say, “What a great surprise! It’s a rare opportunity to see you here, Miss Shih!” They greeted one another with some familiarity. Shih Ch’i then recovered her sadness and said in a low voice, “Do you know how much trouble I have gone through in the last three months recording interviews and now all for nothing?” The Secretary General patted Shih Ch’i on the shoulder and thought for a while, then he raised his eyebows, “I’ve got an idea. Let me introducec you to the General’s son, maybe that will help.” This immdedately upset the General who said, “He doesn’t know shit!” “I know him,” said Shih Ch’i, brushing the bangs from her forehead and smiling. “He is a well-known professor of Sociology.” “Crap, what a nonesense!” said the General, jumping angrily down the steps and overturning several wreaths.

translation

1. The General sighed, blowing the handkerchief off the Chi’-P’ao lapel of a representative from the Women’s League.

定冠詞的用法很令人頭痛,許多時候要靠語感。版主在此不會用 ‘the’,而會用 ‘a’。張大春寫的這條手絹兒是泛指某ㄧ條手帕,不是特定的手帕,用 ‘a’ 應該更為妥當。

The General sighed, blowing a handkerchief off the …. Then he followed the handkerchief

這樣的冠詞使用方式就比較符合行文邏輯。

2. Then he followed the handkerchief as it blew across the floor out into the main hall, to avoid hearing the weird tones of the chanted eulogies.

這句英文翻譯有幾點瑕疵。
首先,將軍是跟隨手帕步出大廳,應該是要翻譯成 ‘out of the main hall’ 才比較妥當。
其次,to avoid… 感覺是將軍跟隨手帕步出大廳有意圖的,可是中文原文看不出這個意思 (這純粹是版主個人的解讀),只能說「躲開朗頌祭文」其實是結果而已。

Then he followed the handkerchief as it blew across the floor out of the main hall, thus keeping himself from hearing the weird tones of the chanted eulogies.

3. Just as he was about to pick up the handkerchief for her, he heard the Secretary General of the Foundation say, “What a great surprise! It’s a rare opportunity to see you here, Miss Shih!”

Just as = 正當 (as soon as),關於這點的詳細說明,請參考『英文專題討論:When, While, As 三者有何差別?(實戰篇:As)』。

難得有機會碰見你 – It’s a rare opportunity to see you here. 網友是否曾想過,如果張大春是寫「真難得碰見你」,你是否能夠把 ‘opportunity/chance’ (機會) 加入翻譯之中呢?版主以前就被老師糾正過這點,因為忘了這種用法,寫出非常中式的英文。

4. 他們親切地寒暄一陣 => They greeted one another with some familiarity.

這種譯法值得參考,不完全按照字面翻譯。

5. 人家辛辛苦苦又訪問、又錄音,搞了三個多月,結果全泡湯了。
=> Do you know how much trouble I have gone through in the last three months recording interviews and now all for nothing?

這句翻譯非常到位。譯者讀通整句中文後用英文思維來翻譯,讀起來絲毫不覺得拗口。

人家辛辛苦苦… => 這是女孩子抱怨的口氣,純粹只在吐苦水。

6. The Secretary General patted Shih Ch’i on the shoulder and thought for a while, then he raised his eyebows

* pat somebody on the shoulder -> 不要改成 pat somebody on his (her) shoulder

類似的說法很多:
* He punched me in the face.

* My friend walked by my locker and on his way out he kicked me in the ass.

7. raised his eyebrows = 眉頭ㄧ展

8. He doesn’t know shit. // Crap, what a nonesense. 這些都是可以相互替換的,就是屁話、胡言亂語。

梁實秋的散文「詩人」有一段這樣的敘述:若是沒有一點慧根的人,能說出這樣的鬼話么?你不懂?你是蠢才!你說你懂,你便可躋身于風雅之林,你究竟懂不懂,天知道。

版主將這段翻譯成:
Who could say such nonsense if he or she didn’t have, say, wisdom? If you don’t understand such nonsense, you are stupid! If you claim you understand such foolishness, you are literary and cultured. Do you really understand it? Who knows!

「詩人」的全文翻譯,請參考『英文翻譯練習:梁實秋《詩人》』。

database_new

從葬禮回來之後,將軍就病了。每天昏睡十幾二十個鐘頭。老管家守候在床邊,求老天爺讓將軍說幾句夢話,也好明白他究竟胡思亂想些什麼。可是將軍憑仗著數十年如一日的堅毅果決的精神,連夢話也不肯說。直到一個月之後的一天清早,滿園的七里香味沿著青石磚路浩浩蕩蕩穿過迴廊,開赴臥房的時候,將軍才精神起來。他下床走向窗邊,對列列恭迎的花香不住地點頭,然後衝老管家說了一句話:「開春了。」老管家一楞,頓時喜淚盈眶,道:「您,您總算醒啦!」將軍卻覺得莫名其妙,以為對方老糊塗了。他恢復沉默,瞪視著老管家,氣他竟然不記得這些日子以來主僕倆在江南打保衛戰的艱苦患難。

Returning from the funeral, the General became ill. He slept ten to twenty hours a day. His old valet kept watching over him at his bedside, praying to heaven, hoping the General would utter a few words in his sleep so that he could guess what had caused him to lose his mind. However, the General, with the same determined mind as he had had for decades, refused to utter a word even when dreaming. This went on for a month. Early one morning the strong fragrance of the flowering jasmine orange in the garden wafted in full force over the green stone path, through the hallway, and marched into the the bedroom, the General stirred.  He got out of bed and walked to the window, nodding his head as if greeting the parading fragrance. “Spring is here,” was all he said to his valet. The old valet was astonished, his eyes filled with tears of happiness, “Sir, you have awakend!” The General was baffled and assumed his old valet was indeed getting senile with age. He became silent again and glared at his valet, angered because he had forgotten the last few days when the two of them, master and servant, had gone through thick and thin for the defense of the country south of the Yangtze.

translation

1. Returning from the funeral, the General became ill.

這句其實不難,版主要提醒網友要注意 ‘return’ 這個動作一定是要主要子句的主詞所做出來的,很多人ㄧ不注意會寫出 dangling sentence。

* 正確的句子應該是要這樣寫:
Walking down the street, the man saw the beautiful trees. (Wikipedia 的例句)
主詞 (the man) 是做出動作 (walking down the street) 的人,因此句子正確無誤。

如果不是這種情況,寫出來的句子就會貽笑大方。
Walking down the street, the trees were beautiful. (?!)
或者
Reaching the station, the sum came out. (?!)

上述這種英文寫法可以讓句子更為精簡,但不小心就會落入 dangling sentence 的陷阱,網友不可不慎。

2. 數十年如一日的堅毅果決的精神 => with the same determined mind as he had had for decades

過去完成式 => 表達「完成」的意思來因應 ‘for decades’。

3. 滿園的七里香味沿著青石磚路浩浩蕩蕩穿過迴廊,開赴臥房的時候,將軍才精神起來。
=>The strong fragrance of the flowering jasmine orange in the garden wafted in full force over the green stone path, through the hallway, and marched into the the bedroom, the General stirred.

中英文有項極大的差別,就是中文可以運用無數的動詞來連貫或承接意思,但英文ㄧ句話只能允許ㄧ個主要動詞,要說明其餘發生的動作,就必須使用動名詞,附屬子句或者介係詞。這句英文翻譯就善用英文的這項特性,利用 waft / through / march into 來說明「沿著/穿過/開赴」,版主認為 ‘march’ 這個動詞也可以省略,不過翻譯的氣勢就弱了許多,無法傳神譯出中文的「開赴」。有心的網友可以從現在開始多體介係詞的用法,多讀散文例句,模仿國外作家的下筆的手法,日後必能有所領悟。

* waft = (cause something to) be carried lightly and smoothly through the air 在空氣中飄蕩
聲音與氣味之類的事物可以使用這個詞來描述 (下面是從《牛津高階英漢雙解詞典》字典抄來的例句)

Delicious smells wafted up from the kitchen. (從廚房飄出香味。)
The sound of their voices wafted across the lake to us. (他們的聲音飄過湖面,傳到我們耳裡。)
The scent of the flowers was wafted along by the breeze. (微風飄送花香。)

版主再舉ㄧ個例子供網友參考:

Carlisle street runs westward, across a great black bridge, down a hill and up again, by little shops and meat-markets, past single-storied homes, until suddenly it stops against a wide greenlawn. (pay attention to the use of prepositions)
(譯文) 卡萊爾街向西伸展,越過一座黑色大橋,隨著山丘伏了又起,先經過許多小鋪和肉店後又行經一些平房,到達一大片綠地後便嘎然而止。
注意:英文原文以『介係詞』連接子句,中文卻利用『動詞』表達相應內容。

關於中英文的差異,請參考『中文與英文的差異』。

4. 將軍才精神起來 =>…, the General stirred.

這句中文有點傷腦筋,譯者用 ‘stir’ 這個英文單字更讓版主覺得困惑。根據字典的解說,’stir’ 都是說明激發情感 (excite one’s feelings) 、喚起回憶 (a feeling begins to be felt) 或稍微移動 (to move slightly)。

版主會使用 ‘the General restored (his) vigor / the General regained (his) vigor’ 來翻譯「將軍才精神起來」。

5. as if => 這是譯者大膽詮釋中文「隱含」的意思所提出的譯法。

版主覺得這種翻譯很好,如果翻譯成下面的方式,雖然貼近中文原文,可能也會失之偏頗。

He got out of bed and walked to the window, nodding his head to greet the parading fragrance.

* 列隊恭迎的花香 =>  the parading fragrance 有趣的譯法

* as if / as though 似乎;彷彿 => 網友可以參考下面例句,’as if’ 後面可以接許多形式的句子
《牛津高階英漢雙解詞典》例句:

He behaved as if nothing had happened. (他裝作若無其事的樣子。)
As if unsure of where she was, she hesitated and looked around. (她好像不知身在何處,猶猶豫豫向四周打量。)
He rubbed his eyes and yawned as though waking up after a long sleep. (他揉眼睛又打呵欠,好像睡ㄧ大覺剛醒似的。)
He had been saved from death as if by divine intervention. (他得以死裡逃生似有神助。)

6. 以為對方老糊塗了 => assumed his old valet was indeed getting senile with age
英文用過去進行式來表示動態與持續狀態,有心從事翻譯的網友要去多多體會這種寫法。

If your blog is not making enough money as you had hoped, you should check this website for the tips that you can use to optimize your blog.
網友若能體會上面這句英文的寫法,便能夠瞭解版主想要說的。

7. …, angered because….=> 版主會改成 …, feeling angry because

8. 主僕倆 => the two of them, master and servant,…
這種翻譯法讓版主學了一招。

9. had gone through thick and thin => 艱苦患難

through thick and thin = in spite of all the difficulties 不顧艱難

* He remained loyal to me through thick and thin. (即便歷盡千辛萬苦,他依舊對我忠實。)

website_logo_2

© 英語學習網站《天地無用》- 狂飆英語的樂園





學習類別:  

Comments are closed.